Top 25 Children's Books
Not recommended by the National Library Association
25. The Little Engine that Could Becomes intoxicated and Kills
Civilians.
24. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer's Games of Revenge.
23. Peter Rabbit's Frisky Adventures.
22. Dick, Jane, and Spot Wander into The 'Hood'.
21. Clifford the Big Red Dog Accidently Eats his Masters and is Put to
Sleep.
20. Valuable Protein and Other Nutritional Benefits of Things from your
Nose.
19. The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad.
18. The Tickling Babysitter
17. A Pictoral History of Circus Geek Suicides.
16. Charles Manson Bedtime Stories.
15. Daddy Loses His Job and Finds the Bottle.
14. Babar Meets the Taxidermist and Becomes a Piano.
13. Controlling the playground: Respect through Fear.
12. David Duke's World of Imagination.
11. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence.
10. The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables.
9. Legends of Scab Football.
8. Teddy: the Elf with the Detached Retina.
7. Tommy Tune: Boy Choreographer.
6. Joe Garagiola Retells Favorite Fairy Tales But Can't Remember the
Endings to All of them.
5. Ed Beckley's Start a Real-Estate Empire with the change from your
Mom's Purse.
4. The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy.
3. Things Rich Kids Have, but you never will.
2. Bob the Germ's Wonderous Journey Into and Back Out of Your
Digestive System.
1. The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead.
The World's Shortest Books I
My Plan To Find The Real Killers by O.J. Simpson
To All The Men I've Loved Before by Ellen DeGeneres
The Book of Virtues by Dean Rains
The Difference between Reality and Dilbert
Human Rights Advances in China
Things I Wouldn't Do for Money by Dennis Rodman
Al Gore: The Wild Years
Amelia Earhart's Guide to the Pacific Ocean
Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts Majors
Detroit - A Travel Guide
Different Ways to Spell "Bob"
Dr. Kevorkian's Collection of Motivational Speeches
Easy UNIX
Ethiopian Tips on World Dominance
America's Most Popular Lawyers
The Top 16 Rejected
Advertising Slogans for Summer Movies
16. The X-Files: "The Merchandise is Out There."
15. Can't Hardly Wait: "**** - Pedophile Weekly"
14. The Horse Whisperer: "Filmed in Glorious Viagra-Rama"
13. Almost Heroes: "Almost Watchable!"
12. Godzilla: "His turds are bigger than your Winnebago."
11. The Horse Whisperer: "It's like 'The Electric Horseman',
but this time Bob's only stunts involve bladder control."
10. Saving Private Ryan: "Serious-Schindler-Spielberg,
Not Cool-Dinosaurs-Spielberg."
9. The Horse Whisperer: "Just keepin' the chicks happy between
asteroids."
8. Hope Floats: "Never mind the Sex Pistols; here's the Bullock"
7. Godzilla: "The last time a film sucked this much, Traci Lords
was in it."
6. 6 Days, 7 Nights: "Try to guess what Anne Heche is thinking
about while she kisses Harrison Ford!"
5. The Horse Whisperer: "Take Your Woman To See This,
And She'll Owe You Sex For Months!"
4. Black Dog: "No one with a three digit IQ admitted without a
country & western singer."
3. The X-Files: "Like you could stay away if you tried, Nerd Boy!"
2. He Got Game: "But he ain't got passing SAT scores!"
And Top5's Number 1 Rejected Advertising Slogan for a Summer Movie...
1. A Perfect Murder: "Two Thumbs Up! - O.J."
Children's Books You'll Never See
These were from a Washington Post contest.
"You Were an Accident"
(Jean Sorensen, Herndon; Barry Blyveis, Columbia)
"Strangers Have the Best Candy"
(Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)
"The Little Sissy Who Snitched"
(Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
"Some Kittens Can Fly!"
(David Genser, Arlington)
"The Protocols of the Grandpas of Zion"
(David Genser, Arlington)
"Getting More Chocolate on Your Face"
(Thomas Drucker, Carlisle, Pa.)
"Where Would You Like to Be Buried?"
(Barry Blyveis, Columbia)
"Where's Godot?"
(Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)
"Katy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"
(David Genser, Arlington)
"The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals
of North Amer- Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!"
(Meg Sullivan, Potomac)
"All Dogs Go to Hell"
(Joseph Romm, Washington)
"The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking"
(Joseph Romm, Washington)
"When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer They Say God Did It"
(Barry Blyveis, Columbia)
"Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia"
(John Kammer, Herndon)
"What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?"
(Kenneth Krattenmaker, Landover Hills)
"Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?"
(Martin Keutel, Alexandria)
"Bi-Curious George"
(Art Grinath, Takoma Park)
"Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"
(Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)
"You Are Different and That's Bad"
(Christopher Springfield)
World's Shortest Books II
Everything Men Know About Women
Everything Women Know About Men
French Hospitality
George Foreman's Big Book of Baby Names
How to Sustain a Musical Career by Art Garfunkel
Mike Tyson's Guide to Dating Etiquette
One Hundred and One Spotted Owl Recipes by the EPA
Staple Your Way to Success
The Amish Phone Directory
Career Opportunities for History Majors
The Engineer's Guide to Fashion
Consumer Marketing Ethics
The Wit and Wisdom of Dan Quayle
The Complete Guide to Catholic Sex
Comprehensive Review of European Deodorants
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