Dormitory = Dirty Room Desperation = A Rope Ends It The Morse Code = Here Come Dots Slot Machines = Cash Lost in 'em Animosity = Is No Amity Mother-in-law = Woman Hitler Snooze Alarms = Alas! No More Z's Alec Guinness = Genuine Class Semolina = Is No Meal The Public Art Galleries = Large Picture Halls, I Bet A Decimal Point = I'm a Dot in Place The Earthquakes = That Queer Shake Eleven plus two = Twelve plus one Contradiction = Accord not in it
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. (Joseph Romm, Washington)
She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again. (Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station)
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. (Russell Beland, Springfield)
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup. (Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring)
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30. (Roy Ashley, Washington)
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center. (Russell Beland, Springfield)
Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake (Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills)
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. (Unknown)
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. (Jack Bross, Chevy Chase)
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. (Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring)
Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man." (Russell Beland, Springfield)
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can. (Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.)
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth (Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. (Russell Beland, Springfield)
The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play. (Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria)
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
On a Rowenta iron: "Warning! Never iron clothes on the body!" On the "CycleAware" helmet-mounted mirror: "Remember: Objects in the mirror are actually behind you." On a large folding cardboard sunshade for car windscreens: "Do not attempt to operate vehicle with sunshade in place." In a VCR manual section about time recording programs: "Only events in the future can be recorded on this machine, not in the past. Resetting the clock to an earlier time will not accurately record past events." On a car lock which loops around both the clutch pedal and the steering wheel: "Warning - Remove lock before driving." On a packet of juggling balls: "This product contains small granules under 3 millimetres. Not suitable for children under the age of 14 years in Europe or 8 years in the USA." On a packet of peanuts served on an internal flight in China (written in both English and Chinese): "Open packet and eat contents." Seen on a camera: "This camera only works when there is a film inside." On a bottle of flavored milk drink: "After opening, keep upright." On a can of windscreen de-icing spray: "Spray works in sub-zero temperatures." On a can of insect spray: "Kills all kinds of insects! Warning: this spray is harmful to bees." A different brand of insect spray: "Kills flies, wasps, mosquitoes, midges, and other flying insects. Not tested on animals." On an ocean buoy for determining the position of submarines: "Protect from seawater." On a batman costume: "This cape does not give the wearer the ability to fly." In the instructions for a Korean kitchen knife: "Keep out of Children."
Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W.R.Grace Company merge to become Hale Mary Fuller Grace. Polygram Records, Warner Brothers, and Keebler Crackers merge to become Polly-Warner-Cracker. 3M and Goodyear merge to become MMMGood. John Deere and Abitibi-Price merge to become Deere Abi. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining merge to become Zip Audi Do Da. Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil merge to become Honey I'm Home. Denison Mines, and Alliance and Metal Mining merge to become Mine, All Mine. Knott's Berry Farm and the National Organization for Women merge to become Knott NOW.
Editing is rewording activity. Help stamp out and eradicate superfluous reduncancy. Eschew obfuscation. Dyslexics have more fnu. Clones are people two. Entropy isn't what it used to be. Microbiology Lab: Staph Only! Santa's Elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses. 186,000 mils/sec: Not just a good idea, it's the LAW! Air Polution is mist-demeanor. Anything free is worth what you pay for it. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. COLE'S LAW: thinly sliced cabbage Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not sure. Rap is to music what Etch-a-Sketch is to art. Energizer bunny arrested - charged with battery. No sense being pessimistic; it probably wouldn't work anyway. Boycott shampoo - Demand REAL poo. IRS - Be audit you can be. My reality check just bounced. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase nesessary. Details inside. On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. On packet of Nytol sleeping tablets: Warning: may cause drowsiness. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. On Sainsbury's peanuts: Contains nuts. On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head.
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